Postnatal depression is more common than most people realise — and far more complex than the name suggests.
Postnatal depression affects approximately one in ten mothers in the UK. I say 'approximately' because the true figure is almost certainly higher — many women don't disclose how they're feeling, and many of those who do are not appropriately supported.
I had postnatal depression after the birth of my second child. I'm sharing that because I know, from the inside, how hard it is to name — even when you have the clinical knowledge to understand exactly what's happening to you.
What postnatal depression actually is
Postnatal depression is not just 'baby blues' — the tearfulness and emotional volatility that many women experience in the first week or two after birth and which typically resolves on its own. PND is more persistent, more pervasive, and more serious.
It can look like profound exhaustion, emotional numbness, difficulty bonding with your baby, intrusive thoughts, anxiety, irritability, or a loss of interest in things that previously mattered. It can look like functioning perfectly well on the outside while feeling like you're falling apart on the inside.
Why asking for help is so hard
Asking for help when you're that depleted is genuinely difficult. You may not have the words. You may feel ashamed. You may be terrified of what disclosure might mean. You may have internalised the cultural message that good mothers cope, that struggling is weakness, that you should be grateful for what you have.
The shame attached to maternal mental health difficulties is real, and it keeps many women from reaching out. Even as a therapist — someone who talks about mental health every day — I found it hard to say the words out loud.
What help actually looks like
Support for postnatal depression may include therapy, medication, peer support, or some combination. What matters most is that you get appropriate, compassionate care from someone who takes what you're experiencing seriously.
You are not a bad mother. You are a human being going through something hard. And you deserve support.
If you're struggling after having a baby — whether recently or some time ago — I offer individual therapy for women navigating this. nataliemccandless.com